Tuesday, March 07, 2006

How Not To Start A Week

Last night was not a night for being inside a car. Three reasons:

4:30) Thanks to quiet roads and smooth driving, I make it to class an hour early. With 62 minutes to spare, I decide to take an alternative route, a road I’ve never taken before. MISTAKE. I end up stuck in the dead centre of JHB, surrounded by taxis, no clue where I am, unable to move faster than 4km/h. Eventually this scary man with a leathery face knocks on my window and asks for a Rand. I swop him R1.20 for directions, and find my way to class – 15 minutes late. Me and my dumb-ass bright-spark ideas.

21:00) The silver sliver of a moon is high up in the sky, and I’m on my way back home. On the highway, just before the Hans Strydom turnoff, an old white car speeds past me, taking up two lanes to do so. Just as it passes me, it swerves more hectically, the guy loses control of the car, rolls it over the two lanes (thank goodness there was a third lane), it hops into the bushes on the side of the road, and hops back onto the highway. I have to slam on the brakes to avoid being caught up in the roll, hard enough for everything in the back seat to end up on floor in the front. Burnt rubber and shattered glass, with a twist of metal.

I do what any concerned citizen would do: I phone 112, the free Vodacom emergency line to get an ambulance, to report the accident. After the phone rang for about 30 seconds, a robot finally picked up:

If you are in a life-threatening situation, please press 1. If you have having problem with your cellphone, please press two.

Great, I thought, so either I’m bleeding to death, or I don’t know how to send a text message. I pressed 1. It rang for another 30 seconds.

Dear caller, your call is important to us. All the lines are currently occupied. Please hold, caller.

Love how they try to personalise the whole thing by calling me “caller”. Long story short, after being transferred 4 times and holding the line for close to six minutes, I finally got through to the ambulance people. Hope the car-rollers are alright.

3) One more street to go, then I’ll be home. I spot a cat on the left side of the road, and purposefully drive on the right side, cause I can, cause I’m the only one in the street. And the damn cat runs all the way from the safe side straight into my trajectory, under my car. I mentally close my eyes as I feel a bumpity bump (pretty little siamese kitten), look in my rear view mirror, and see the kitty jumping around playfully, off to go climb a tree or something. Phew. Too much action for one night.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

So jy het nie oor die kitty gery nie?

partieweirdo said...

Is kitty ok? I'm so glad! And ofcourse I'm happy that you survived the ordeal, my maatjie!

Cacophony said...

wow. trust you to find all the action.

sojourner incognito said...

why is everyone so worried about the cat? Did you miss the paragraph where a car rolled across two lanes and did a gymnastic flip-flop into the road? A car with PEOPLE inside?

but granted, it was a cutie of a cat, all mirror-reflection eyes and and Bambi style hopping.

Nope. Didn't hit it. Really thought I did. But I didn't. Thanks goodness. I have killed three birds in 20 minutes though (with my car). Different story altogether.

Cacophony said...

if i have to count all the bugs who's last thought was their anus intruding their brain against my windshield, over the last week, i'd be cremated and counting.

peace to the insects that i keep sending to another realm.